As I said in the last post, my pride was getting in the way of seeing the people that loved the Lord who saw the Bible from a different perspective. In that last past, I was blinded by my own beliefs and my own understanding. In this post, I want to share how my pride kept me from stepping out of needing to always be right and hear what people say.
I have struggled through the years to really open up to people about things and to share my life. I would have rather climbed the highest mountain with no water than to break open the hard exterior of my shell that I had built. The fortress of a wall that I used to guard me against the feeling of being exposed or people really seeing me for who I was only got stronger. When I entered college for my first year, the emotional roller coaster I went through was so great. I will admit that I needed to have control no matter what. Especially during my first few years of college, the feeling of not being in control was ever present.
The summer before I transferred to a 4-year school I experienced extreme fear and anxiety. Obviously, it can be related to the onset of a new chapter in my life. That feeling of losing control was great. My roommate served a purpose in my life to challenge my need for control. As I said before, I wasn’t always a good friend. A lot of personal past problems got in the way of thinking clearly and seeing her and her beliefs as she truly was.
Today, I have gained a new perspective on both doctrine and life. I see the work of the hand of my Savior and I worship His name. He has put a need in my heart that seeks Him. The need for control has slowly dissipated and now I see how the struggle with control only blurred my vision. I now have such respect and admiration for those who believe differently than I. I love to have conversations with those who see Scripture in a way that I don’t. I wish with so much of me that I can go back in time and take back my pride and need control. Because I know that I can’t, I now push forward with the constant prayer of putting my pride aside and listening to the voices of others.
I do love to challenge others on their beliefs as well as being challenged myself. My conversations with fellow believers these days consist of truly hearing and listening to what they say. Their beliefs can always be challenged. That is a blessing of being a Christian: always growing. I have also found myself in so much prayer to ask God to show me what He would want me to believe. This time of prayer has produced a love of the Lord that I have never experienced before. My heart’s greatest desire is to follow my Savior. I now pray that He teaches me to understand the things I do not and to handle my life with grace. I want to look at others with grace as well.
I am really blessed to say that God has begun a challenge to change my view on so many of my beliefs. I am seeing how easy it is for the human perspective and opinion to greatly influence our doctrines, churches, communities, families and relationships.
My desire is now to only speak God’s truth. To point others back to Christ. Serve the King of the world in all that I do. I pray and desire to seek Him with all that I have.
“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:1-2